blog.wengier.com

Overheard on the Train

2008-06-03T07:55:00.001+10:00

"When you get back from this trip, you'll have gone through three states."
"No mum, Canberra isn't a separate state. Its in Sydney!"

There are two things wrong with this last sentence.

1) The dero chick from Frankston.. sorry, Carrum.. was wearing her uggies and trackies on the train and offending the eyes of everyone around her. Her mother with her centimetre long nails that she was obsessively chewing wasn't helping the cause.

2) The conversation was followed up with a nice round of "You'd better not be up the duff when I get back, Mum" "Maybe I will be and I just won't tell you" "I'll know! I knew with Brett and Sam"

Apparently Mum managed to sneak Dominic in, under the cover of darkness one can only assume.

To Be Confirmed

2007-12-24T16:37:00.001+11:00

I wonder if this is easier than emailing people individually whilst on travels?

Short Dating

2006-08-02T11:34:00.000+10:00

I went speed dating last Saturday. I feel speed dating is an incorrect term. It wasn’t fast, it was short. 7 minutes is not very long to have a conversation and make a decision. This leaves speed dating with an interesting problem: The idea is to make it easy and non-confrontational to say “yes” or “no” to someone, by way of having people secretly fill out forms. You get told about it only where there is a match. The problem comes from 7 minutes being really hard to base a decision on, and having the make decisions on the spot. If afterwards you decide “no, that probably wouldn’t work with that person”, then you are in a bit of a bind. How do you say “I don’t think we’d match” after you’ve said “yes, we’d match”.

Of course, none of these even comes close to the real problem, which of course that I like to kill puppies in my spare time, and many women find this off-putting.

I should post more...

2006-06-06T11:36:00.000+10:00

... but I have nothing to post about?

Advertisermenters should be made to have grammer learnin'

2005-08-17T15:44:00.000+10:00

The latest spate of Foxtel ads are shit.

They wish to play on your emotions. They wish to tell you that watching Foxtel will create said emotions within you. All of this is fine, at least as far as normal advertising mumbo jumbo goes. The problem is their grammar. A typical ad soundtrack goes something like this:

AMUSED... HOPE.... ENVY

Does that not shit you?! Amusement, hope, envy. ... or ... Amused, hopeful, envious. GET IT RIGHT!!

I beleive it was Big Bird who once said, "If you can't congugate the past future perfect participle progressive form, you shouldn't be writing ads".

Spare Me

2005-06-09T20:33:00.000+10:00

I used to have a brand new, never used, pristine spare tyre. Alas, that time has come to an end, as it is currently sitting in wait on the rear passenger side of my car. Lainie needs the car tomorrow, so it is being called in off the bench.

Now, this is not much of a problem, after all, thats what it was designed for. It poses as aesthetic problem on two counts, firslty its not the same brand as the other three tyres, and secondly, it will no longer be pristine, but these are minor concerns (especially as its not me who will have the embarassment of driving the car around with mis-matched tyres for very long).

No, the problem comes from the tyre that is currently sitting inside the boot, waiting to go to the tyre shop on Saturday. You see, its the 3rd time this tyre will have gone to the tyre shop, including the original purchase, and not including a trip to Dad's for a home repair job. Now, its not that I dont trust the tyre shop, indeed the last time I got it fixed, they didn't charge me for it. Its just that, the only time I could see the cause of the flat, was when Dad repaired it - there was a dirty great big screw stuck in there. The other times, its been a tiny little hole caused by god-knows-what, or a reopening of a previous repair job. This time again, there is no visible evidence.

Now, maybe they sold me a dud tyre. Maybe they do dud repair jobs. Maybe they put on a dud valve. Hell, maybe i'm just really unlucky in the places that I drive, though considering the only places I drive are Ians house, Chadstone, Coles, and Mum and Dads, I find that surprising. And always the exact same wheel? The upper-middle-class snoot in me would blame my recent trip to Frankston, but in reality, I took the freeway, and Frankston is actually a perfectly normal place.

Maybe I'll just give up driving, and get a motorbike instead. Though I don't know where I'd carry the spare...

Amazing Messages

2005-05-31T21:32:00.000+10:00

I came home tonight to a message on my answering machine. It went something like this:

We are sorry for the inconvenience, this message was intended only for answering machines. Thank you.

I love my electric windows

2005-05-17T17:22:00.000+10:00

I love my electric windows. Everytime I use them I smile.

The lights in the buttons for the rear windows turn off if I lock out the back windows.
The car will let me shut the windows after i've turned off the ignition, until I open and shut the drivers door (ie, get out of the car)
If i've still forgotten, I can hold the key in the lock for 3 seconds and it will shut all the windows.
Every window works on auto if you hold the button down for 2 seconds
The windows detect obstructions and return to their original position, so you can't get your fingers caught in them

Also, I can double-deadlock my doors, so that if I do leave my windows open enough for someone to reach in and unlock the door, then still can't open it.

How many people sat in how many meetings to decide to include all of that functionality?

A conversation

2005-05-17T11:56:00.000+10:00

Person 1: So, what did you do today?

Person 2: I spent the day ranking all of the contestants on The Apprentice, over all 4 seasons including the UK version, to decide who I liked the most.

Me: ...